You Might Also Like

@trevso_electric

If eHarmony were honest, it would pair some people with a room full of cats.

@StranDadAbroad

I accidentally sent my kids to Mimecraft camp and haven’t heard from them since.

@Blunt_Sarcastic

When coming out of any coma, try keeping your eyes shut for another day or two to see what everyone’s saying about you.

@pizza_dragon

Pony: “I love hay so much I-”
Dad: “Why don’t you marry it, ya big nerd?”
*pony grows up*
*becomes Horse Emperor*
*legalizes hay marriage*

@HatfieldAnne

We’ve all talked about throwing a dirty dish away instead of washing it. But only some of us have done it.

@kacisuewho

HIM: somebody should probably do the dishes

ME: *drinking wine out of a bowling trophy* agree to disagree

@TheFakeCNN

Justin Bieber only pretends to retire on Twitter, worst Christmas ever.

@JimmerThatisAll

People who say “in and of itself” are responsible for most of the trouble in the world.

@WilliamAder

Twitter announced today that they’ve lost 134 million dollars this year. I don’t know if they want us to look for it or what the deal is.