@TweetsByKaylee

[1999]

“y2k” making us anxious

[2019]

“k” making us anxious

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@manda_tee1

A bear went into a bar.

“I’d like a whiskey…….

and coke.”

Bartender asks “why the long pause?”

Bear says “oh, I was born with them”.

@weedswildflowrs

I saw a lawn sign that just said “DOGS 2020” and I would like to change my vote please.

@Brianhopecomedy

Apparently saying, “Oh, I just came to watch” makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class.

@Shower4Thought

Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.

@AmericanGent69

Me: {after awkwardly long silence} So you come here often?
Waitress: Yes I work here can you please just order.

@existentialcoms

The English are truly the most remarkable people to ever exist. They traveled all across the world and saw food from every culture, and were just like “no thanks we already have beans on toast.”

@iscoff

*draws a tarot card* Ah, the guy with too many swords. This card means you need to have less swords

@eveinflow

I hope we’ve all come to the realization that huggers were the problem all along.