@ArfMeasures

[1st time at a crime scene]
Cop: What do you think happened?

Me: The killer murdered these people by trapping them in these body bags

Cop: um we put them on

Me: Another good theory

You Might Also Like

@BrandonEsWolf

ME: How fresh is the “fresh octopus”?
WAITER: The chef is fighting it right now.

@ThaJawn

Me:
*does interpretative dance

Translator:
*does translation dance

Chief:
*does interpretative dance

Translator:
*does translation dance

@UncleDuke1969

*kneels to pray*

“Hello, God?”
“YOU’VE REACHED CUSTOMER SUPPORT.”
“Who is this?”
“MY NAME IS BRAD.”
“Are you in Heaven, Brad?”
“NO, INDIA.”

@BuckyIsotope

“What’s up, doc?” says Bugs Bunny. “Not you,” laughs the doctor. “Take these little blue pills.”
*Looney Tunes music plays*

@PanicRestroom

“Billie Jean” is probably my favorite song about someone named Billie Jean

@fro_vo

*boss calls me into office*
“um but sir my name is–”
Be quiet you’re “into office” now

@rivalpunks

In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends.

@AnOrangeSNES

On the periodic table, the elements are represented by two groups. The symbols and the atomic number.

Law and Order: Atomic Mass Unit

@crushingbort

Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling “white people milk” and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street