1. How we structure our sentences.
2. Grandpa’s wife.
Some of you will pick number two.
2-step verification should be at least somewhat dance related
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I sleep naked because I want burglars to feel weird.
Seriously waiting for a four year old to make it to any of those 30 under 30 lists.
HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs?
ME: *scanning the menu* I don’t even see them on here. What page are you on?
I’m scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
white people get red in the winter cause the wind too spicy
Your eyes may say yes, but your eyebrows are screaming “I will boil your bunny the minute you ignore me!”
You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like?
[cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives]
Your survival instincts take over
TSA: Sir, you can’t bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight.
Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest?
Her: I’m a bit of a night owl
Me: Surely as most owls are nocturnal then it’s just an owl
H: Well, aren’t you a hoot