@Mike_Eagle

2-step verification should be at least somewhat dance related

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@BlondAmbitionTO

Grammar is:
1. How we structure our sentences.
2. Grandpa’s wife.

Some of you will pick number two.

@RBColl

Seriously waiting for a four year old to make it to any of those 30 under 30 lists.

@dafloydsta

[first date]

HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs?

ME: *scanning the menu* I don’t even see them on here. What page are you on?

@shopkins776

I’m scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae

@datassque

white people get red in the winter cause the wind too spicy

@skittle624

Your eyes may say yes, but your eyebrows are screaming “I will boil your bunny the minute you ignore me!”

@NicestHippo

You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like?

[cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives]

Your survival instincts take over

@dlockw21

TSA: Sir, you can’t bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight.

Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest?

TSA: ….

@dannyboy7813

*first date*

Her: I’m a bit of a night owl

Me: Surely as most owls are nocturnal then it’s just an owl

H: Well, aren’t you a hoot