why is it that whenever i sit alone in my dark room for days at a time consuming ungodly amounts of food without any social interaction im “depressed” and “need to see a therapist” but whenever other people do it they’re “quarantining”
2019: no carbs
2020: eats a loaf of Wonder Bread out of the bag like it’s popcorn at the movies
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So, wearing fur is wrong but wearing a Hawaiian shirt is OK? Do they even know how many Hawaiians had to die to make that shirt?
How come they only do that moustache oil for men? Sexism.
I offered to split the check but my date insisted we go old fashion and fight to the death.
As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror and I think that says alot
I saw the best minds of my generation rattling in pickle jars in formaldehyde as the cops beat down the door into my basement.
Sorry for letting bad things happen to good people all these years.
I really loved the idea of moving and re-decorating until I realized one pillow is literally $25
by age 35 you should have saved enough money to hire someone from the dark web to murder you
Most embarrassing thing a human being can experience is publicly unrequited love. Second is having the noisy grocery cart.