@ThaumPenguin

23. the denim jacket

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@StephenAtHome

When we do get this coronavirus vaccine, it better not just be cake.

@TheBoydP

I’m not saying I’ve gained weight, I’m just saying I don’t think my belt buckle should be facing the ground…

@tamberinetango

Chances of my kid no longer liking their ‘favourite’ snack the day after I bought the Costco size box of it? 210%

@maybetomhanks

god created the midwest so ur internet crushes could always be 10,000 miles away no matter where u go

@Tommytoughstuff

*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* “Oh man my car windows are down!”

@Gorilla_Turd

I didn’t know about mascara, I thought girls just cried ink like squids.

@WilliamAder

I know we’re not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

@DevilryFun

I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I’ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.