@myqkaplan
“if you could dinner with any scientist, alive or dead, which one would it be?”
“schrodinger”
@awkwardenabled
4: Let’s go to back Target, we can get the Pokémon stuff
Me: But you don’t have any more money
4: That’s okay, we can use your money
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@myqkaplan
@BlindChow
singer at concert: *says name of city we’re in*
me: that’s the name of the city we’re in!
friend: it is good to hear the name of our city!
@daniel_shaw
Personal trainer said we’re going to try some dips today.
I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.
@LittleMissLizz
I’m gonna be honest. Even after the vaccine I’m only gonna wanna hang out with 3 of you.
@REACTlVE
@bridger_w
I don’t care if he’s famous or not, what the Headless Horseman is doing is illegal
@Divergentmama
On Wednesdays we do cardio!
*skips to the kitchen for another snack
@RowdyBowden
We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were “Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!”
@TweetPotato314
[Getting lucky on the first date]
Me: Hey, there’s an onion ring in my fries!
@AngelaEhh
OMG you guys. I just got asked out. By a real live guy. I don’t know what to do!? Play dead? Duck and roll?
I’m so confused!!