@awkwardenabled

4: Let’s go to back Target, we can get the Pokémon stuff

Me: But you don’t have any more money

4: That’s okay, we can use your money

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@myqkaplan

“if you could dinner with any scientist, alive or dead, which one would it be?”

“schrodinger”

@BlindChow

singer at concert: *says name of city we’re in*

me: that’s the name of the city we’re in!

friend: it is good to hear the name of our city!

@daniel_shaw

Personal trainer said we’re going to try some dips today.

I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.

@LittleMissLizz

I’m gonna be honest. Even after the vaccine I’m only gonna wanna hang out with 3 of you.

@bridger_w

I don’t care if he’s famous or not, what the Headless Horseman is doing is illegal

@RowdyBowden

We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were “Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!”

@TweetPotato314

[Getting lucky on the first date]

Me: Hey, there’s an onion ring in my fries!

@AngelaEhh

OMG you guys. I just got asked out. By a real live guy. I don’t know what to do!? Play dead? Duck and roll?

I’m so confused!!