@MumInBits
4 put one of his toys in the gap behind the fridge and when I asked why he said it was noisy & annoying and long story short all 3 of my kids are now in the gap behind the fridge
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@Shade510
When I had to tediously pull one hundred and forty three bobby pins out of my wife’s hair on our wedding night, I probably should’ve taken that as a sign.
@jwoodham
“How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?” Doesn’t follow instructions very well.
@FredTaming
who called it an advertising campaign and not an adventure
@OrdinaryAlso
me: do you have a blowup mattress?
host: it’s explosive but it hasn’t blown up yet.
me: hahaha
host: hahaha
me: (nervous sweating)
@PoshTick
me: i’d like to make a complaint
optometrist: what is it?
me: the surgery i just had
optometrist: and?
me: [taking off sunglasses] do you see any laser eyes because i don’t
@jctwritesstuff
*has argument with husband*
*brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011**adds “Historian” to bio*
@Fatgoldfish4
I dunno if anyone else follows Play-Doh on Facebook but you should cause they’re doing some serious damage control
@briangaar
At this point, I’m pretty sure the main reason Donald Trump ran for president was to get more Twitter followers
@arseniareilly
