@thejoelstein: 4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to "How do you know if something is art?" "People tell you."
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@Tuna_Lover: I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.
@djdarrellripley: Me: I forbid you to go! Her: What was that? Me: You heard me! I said, "I'd really appreciate it if you'd reconsider!"
@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@HatfieldAnne: These baby cardinals are thugs. They muscle all the other birds away from the feeder. I saw one put out a cigarette in a blue jay’s eye.