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@SaraESpivey: 5 out of 6 people enjoy playing Russian Roulette.
@pauleggleston: I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I said: 'Inch-high knees?'
He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'
@subtleapt: My mother always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
@BoogTweets: Anyone can be a sword swallower at least one time
@pan_duh: a dating site that matches you with the perfect slice of cheesecake
@sixfootcandy: [LA Earthquake]
Me: Wow, do you feel tha-
Husband: *pushes me out of the way and runs down the street screaming* Every man for himself!