@daemonic3: 50 Shades of Grey is my favorite movie about a dog trying to read a map of the United States.
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@LaceyNycole: Guy: Are you pregnant? Me: No, I'm a Ninja Turtle with my shell on BACKWARDS. Guy: ..... Me: Cowabunga, douche!
@panmidwest: HER: why do you hate every single Hugh Grant movie? ME: i love love actually actually
@dorsalstream: Your 20s: I will strive for goodness and peace in this troubled world. Your 40s: Every single chair is terrible.