No, Autocorrect ….
the lovely bride was not wearing
a SATAN trimmed lace ensemble –
though she can be devilish at times.
6am. 4 runs into bedroom, jumps on bed repeatedly.
“DADDY, DADDY, DADDY! WAKE UP! HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! WE’RE GOING TO LET YOU SLEEP IN!
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Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
It’s important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I’m having popcorn & wine for dinner.
If you let an idiot convince you that he’s the smartest man in the world…
Maybe he’s not the only idiot.
[mocking jay part 2]
jay: come on guys please stop
Taken 4: How does this shit keep happening
I like to watch the murder shows on Investigation Discovery so I don’t make the same mistakes those killers did.
FRIEND WHO JUST GOT BIT BY A VERY VENOMOUS SPIDER: Hurry, the antidote!
ME: This reminds me of a time
FRIEND: No, not an anecdote! *Dies*
A journey of a thousand miles
running back in the house for
something you forgot.
It’s not officially bedtime until you drop your phone on your face.