*at a rave*
“EXCUSE ME MISS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?”
*45 minutes later*
“THIS IS A LONG SONG”
7: I didn’t do my homework
Me: why not?
7: they told us to write about the new president
7: you told me not to cuss
You Might Also Like
AA Milne: Ok rabbit, we’ll call you Rabbit. Piglet, you can be Piglet
Bear: Wow, real original
AAM: [scribbles out Bear and writes Pooh]
“You’ll sleep when I’m dead” — my phone
[run into an old classmate]
Them: You’ve gained a little weight.
Me: You’ve stayed ugly.
It’s been 5 years now. I’m afraid that I actually might not be bloated.
please stop asking me to change my password, i’m getting tired of renaming my cat all the time
“We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision”
“We ate Bill”
OMG. How long were you in there?
For anyone who says parents can’t have Friday night fun, I’m at Target right now buying toilet paper.
So, yeah, you’re right.
‘Hit me with your pet shark’ #RuinAn80sSong
*Sleeping Beauty gives rotten apple to Obama*
Only a kiss from his one true love will save him
*Biden takes out lipstick*