The only time I complain about my husband being on his phone is when I’m not on mine.
7: I’m beating you!
7: I’m way ahead!
Me: I see that.
7: I’m gonna win!
My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
You Might Also Like
I’ll always treasure my high school yearbook as a handy list of people to never see again
Contrary to popular belief, you can’t milk a chicken
“You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs” – jerk chicken
Crossing guard: *motioning for me to walk* go ahead
Me: but there’s a lot of cars coming
Crossing guard: *looks at me eating a burrito sideways* nah, you’re good
Sticks & stones may break my bones,
but words bought my therapist a boat.
Which herbal tea goes best with heroin?
The gym I never go to closed, so now I’ll have to not go to a different one.
If you disagree with someone, just slap them with a fish.
Today I realized that I lead an extremely secretive life for someone that no one is actually paying attention to.