@charliedelta7

7: I’m beating you!

Me: Ok.

7: I’m way ahead!

Me: I see that.

7: I’m gonna win!

Me:….

My son on the carousel horse in front of me.

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@sixfootcandy

The only time I complain about my husband being on his phone is when I’m not on mine.

@2free2stylr

I’ll always treasure my high school yearbook as a handy list of people to never see again

@SortaBad

“You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs” – jerk chicken

@rockymomax

Crossing guard: *motioning for me to walk* go ahead
Me: but there’s a lot of cars coming
Crossing guard: *looks at me eating a burrito sideways* nah, you’re good

@ozzyunc

Sticks & stones may break my bones,
but words bought my therapist a boat.

@WilliamAder

The gym I never go to closed, so now I’ll have to not go to a different one.

@DarkerWillow

Today I realized that I lead an extremely secretive life for someone that no one is actually paying attention to.