[Writing Batman theme]
WRITER: So it starts by saying “Batman.”
PRODUCER: Well that makes sense, just once?
WRITER: 23 times.
WRITER: Then you just make noise for awhile.
WRITER: Then you say Batman again.
7: what do you want for your birthday?
Me: idk a new car
7: ok *walks away*
[ 2 min later ]
7: what do you want that’s under $6.42?
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Thanks, but it’s spelled “sexiest”, not “sexist”. Stupid woman.
[puts key in lock]
DO YOU AGREE TO NEW TERMS & CONDITIONS?
[door opens, rooms are smaller, furniture is moved]
I only discriminate against people who discriminate. I’m basically the Dexter of discrimination.
Executioner: Any last words?
Executioner: Ok [throws switch] Wait, what does that mean
Executioner: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN GOD DAMN IT
I’m swilling port like a British butler who had a rough afternoon at the races.
I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.
Calm down hipsters who clear your throats while pronouncing hummus. You bought it at Whole Foods, not a bazaar in Marrakech.
Hey people who say “look at our new baby”,
thanks for clarifying that because my initial reaction was to ask where you got the used baby