[Evan]: This new hair product is the best
[Brad]: Yeah. Check out Jack still using mousse
[Jack]: *with Bullwinkle on his head* Shut up guys
“70% of the people don’t know how to use the superlative degree in English”
That’s the most stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard.
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she’s all “don’t sleep in the nude- what if there’s a fire and the fire men come and see you naked”
uh you pretty much described my fantasy
It’s a real shame Friday doesn’t come as quick as I do
You can tell A LOT about a Woman’s mood just by looking at her hands…
…for example…If she’s holding a gun? She’s probably pissed.
*drops off box to Salvation Army*
“Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?”
Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.
me: wHaT iS It DocToR
dr: you have a disease that makes you mock people
me: oH No Is iT CoNTaGiOuS
dr: oH No Is iT CoNTaGiOuS
Podiatrists don’t use metric.
They only deal with feet.
me: i have test anxiety
classmate: it’s okay, jesus has answers
jesus: *descending from sky* the first three are all D
When dating, I only have 3 dates to get a woman hooked on me because thats how many nice shirts i have.