@AristotlesNZ

9yo: *struggling for 10 mins trying to start peeling a banana* How do you get into these!?

Yo, evolution: You missed one..

You Might Also Like

@MavenofHonor

Wild-eyed guy passed me in the grocery store hissing “applesauce” but I can’t tell if he was looking for it or running away

@Stonekettle

I liked the old days, when people tried to keep the fact that they were idiots to themselves.

@ojedge

[first date w/ someone who works on an online support chat window]

me: [pulls away from passionate kiss goodnight] this was fun, let’s do i it again sometime…

her: definitely

me: [turns to walk away]

her: thanks for chatting. is there anything else I can help you with today?

@ItsAllCrazyToMe

Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes

@trojansauce

[my fitness dvd]
ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind

@GrantTanaka

Left work, txted wife “Coming homo.” Then I txted her “Haha whoops, I meant BEcoming homo.”

@Cheeseboy22

This librarian isn’t even wearing glasses! I’m not even going to ask her where a book is. She’s not going to know.

@Hurly_Burly

Annie, are you ok? You sure? Cool

That’s how long that song would’ve lasted if I sang it.