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for some *ridiculous* reason the french love to translate movie titles from english to… english
here’s a thread with my all-time favorites, starting with “the hangover”
…i mean VERY BAD TRIP
Superman: So when I’m exposed to large amounts of sunlight, I get stronger and fly faster!
Icarus: sO wHeN i’M eXpOsEd To LaRgE aMoUnTs Of sUnLiGhT…. SHUT THE HELL UP CLARK!!
CUCUMBER 911: What’s your emergency?
CUCUMBER: Please send help! I’m trapped in a jar full of vinegar!
CUCUMBER 911: hmmm, this is a pickle!
They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? “We don’t know who he is, but we know his dentist!”
“Oh, are you driving?” -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk
The bigger issue about the Hobby Lobby decision is the fact that people working in a craft store are getting laid more than I am.
The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing
Dracula: well? do I have any cavities?
Dentist: *using tiny mirror* hmm I… I can’t tell
Baby showers are so weird.
It’s like “hey, congrats on having a functional reproductive system”.
oh my gosh!!
waiter: wine?
date: I don’t drink
waiter: water?
me: she said she doesn’t drink pal
“What are you typing? Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It’s not that? Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!” -Google.
So, apparently, flashing the neighbors at their backyard barbecue doesn’t make it a “gender reveal” party.
After my ex and I broke up, I was in a really bad place (Florida)
how do they grow the peanuts inside M&Ms
hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button
No one sleeps with Gandalf because it takes him until first light on the fifth day to come.
If someone stole my identity I would be like, “Haha now you have no money and you’re bad at basketball.”
Pancakes are just crepes who let themselves go after college.
me: another one, make it a double
hot dog vendor: how
a midwest state really had a “husband calling” competition
Ben-Hur was actually called, Fast & The Furious: Jerusalem Drift, but the name didn’t catch on like they had hoped
Me: *violently swinging a stick* these piñatas are getting harder to hit
Zip line park owner: Hello 911? He’s back again
That old expression: “hold the phone!” doesn’t work anymore because everyone is already doing that
Wasn’t this a cartoon.
I was nerding out to a friend over something Harry Potter related in the pub and now the bartender keeps asking me “what can I get you, Gryffindork?”
We took family pictures with an actual photographer today. No one argued, no one yelled, no one whined, no one cried. Years from now we can look at these photos and say, “this is how we never were.”
Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics…you know, just like a real spider.
karate teacher: shatter that board
me: *holding it up to my face* your whole family died here and I watched
teacher: not like that
board: *crying* yeah not like that
ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock
WIFE: A WHAT?
ME: Shhh, you’ll make him nervous
DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*