Enjoy this video of ducks changing their minds
You Might Also Like
I’ll never invest my money in Facebook, mostly because it’s the place where people I went to high school with own pretend farms.
“You’re not pretty enough. Now pay us $3.99 so we can tell you why.” – Magazines
what if everything’s a hellscape because Adele got happy and needed material
After my husband explained in detail what he does for work, my 6-year-old asked if he has fun at work so clearly he was not listening to a single thing my husband said.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
My 7 year old has been asking a lot of questions this Christmas season and I’m worried that it might be the last year he believes that Bitcoin is real.
Travelers diarrhea is my favorite illness. You cheat at basketball you get what’s coming to you.
“Yes, I’m here. I really need you to be more specific. I know a lot of Margarets.”
— God
[Sloth Job Interview]
Sloth Boss: How would you describe yourself?
*2 hours later*
Sloth Interviewee: Quick-thinking.
I feel melancoll, meloncholl, melancholl, meloncholy, you know what, I’m good.
I have a friend who’s band is playing this weekend. He said the doors open at 7 but I’m pretty sure Jim Morrison is dead.
so apparently it’s still a dui even if youre the birthday boy
Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green?
Batman: You’re the decoy
Instead of writing ‘many thanks’ at the end of an email, specify the number of thanks, eg “18 thanks”. The personal touch will be appreciated
Movember is over, so this week anyone looking like a pedophile is actually a pedophile.
women showering in movie: slowly rubbing her soapy thighs.
women showering in real life: firing snot outta our noses like angry dragons.
My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.
Han: Leave us alone, you fat slug!
Jabba: *speaks Huttese*
C-3PO: The mighty Jabbs says your words are hurtful. He has a thyroid problem.
I love it all
just clicked the “find my size” button on a clothing website and the prompt that came up said “what size do you normally wear” I selected my size and then it said “you should get that size”
um excuse me what’re we doin’ here
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
A couple who are silly together stay together.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Quick, put me back together!
TOTO: There’s nothing that 100 men or more could ever do.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: …maybe call the horses?
The ketchup bottle always teaches you new ways it can destroy your shirt.
Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like G.I Joe doll put in a microwave on high for twenty minutes
Your mission, Ethan, should you choose to accept it, no pressure, mind you, 100% your call, can’t stress that enough, you and I are cool either way, but in any case, there’s this plutonium…
Russian roulette, except it’s me sneezing three times in a row while driving
Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops…
Alarm clock that releases spiders… NOW you’re up. Million dollar idea.
people with the flu: *stay in bed*
people with corona: