Gen X kids never wanted to come home. Modern teenagers never want to leave the house.
Gen X parents of teens are basically feral dogs raising housecats.
You Might Also Like
WHY ISN’T THE MEDIA TALKING ABOUT THIS?!👇
*links to story on mainstream media site*
I don’t wanna brag but I have definitely pet my slippers thinking they were my cat
Your 30’s mostly consist of getting excited when you find out a professional athlete is older than you.
Dads, when there’s 38 things to do before everyone is ready to leave: I’m going to go wait in the car.
Why would a straight guy hate gay guys?
Here’s a group of men who look better than you.. but don’t even want women.
You should be glad.
“you’re the biggest narcissist i’ve ever encountered!”
why are you making this about you?
Trump says he’ll make Oasis pay for a wonder wall.
During a meditation session
Sorry, my watch told me to stand up.
If you really wanna honor the spirit of 2017, instead of kissing someone at midnight, push them off a bridge
Teacher: Ok, which of you stole the thesaurus?
Student: Not me
Student: Not me
Student: Nay myself
Student: Not me
[Takes out scrunchie and shakes out my slicked back ponytail] Take the mugshot again.
I just realized that there is absolutely nothing stopping me from telling elderly people that I wrote Despacito
My medical bracelet just says “Call 911” because people are idiots
It feels so good on a cold morning, a hoodie fresh from the dryer…
[baby pushes food away as I try feeding it]
Fine. Die.
My 5yo’s teacher wore a Slytherin t-shirt to school and now I’m concerned about the type of magic my son might be learning
Him: Shake whatcha mama gave ya.
Me: *picks up crock pot
Just a little reminder that the eight spiders you swallowed aren’t thrilled about it either
Always the bridesmaid, never the winner of the office costume party because I keep going as a bridesmaid
I don’t care if you talk behind my back. Just speak up so I can hear you too.
John Lennon: Here I stand head in hand, Turn my face to the wall—
Me: um, it’s fine if you just count to 20 while we hide
I’m just a boy… Standing in front of a girl…
Her: “Move.”
How a hammer can generate enough heat to start a fire.
*still doesn’t understand when or why asterisks started indicating action*
I am not a show off and don’t brag about going to expensive places, but just left the gas station with the tank full. 😆
Man texted: “I want you to be my little angle.”
I answered: “Do you want me to be obtuse, right, or acute?”Two days have passed, no reply.
My knee just cracked so loudly that I half expect it to glow in the dark tonight.
BBC:when a women is attracted to a man, she speaks in a higher pitch than normal
That explains why every woman I talk to sounds like Batman
“Rock. Paper. Scissors.” – terrible surgeon
Just saved a guy from drowning by
throwing him a CVS receipt as a lifeline.He also gets 25% off his next rescue.