Man buns are just the beginning, next thing you know it’ll be ok for men to have anything on their heads, like a goat or a small child
You Might Also Like
2019: no carbs
2020: eats a loaf of Wonder Bread out of the bag like it’s popcorn at the movies
This is always good for a laugh.
My 4 year old is at his cutest when he is so proud that he managed to put his school uniform on all by himself but didn’t realise it’s Saturday morning
If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge already
A guy offered to take me anywhere I wanted to go on a first date and had the audacity to ghost me after I replied, “An axe throwing range?”
[funeral]
I’ll never forget dad’s last words: It’s way past Halloween! What moron left the hilarious CAUTION tape on this elevator?
If covid gave people face sores like monkeypox does, this pandemic would have been over on May 1, 2020.
Me: I’m so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me:
Prof:
Me: it took him a couple bytes
This is Walter. You just threw bubbles at him and he cannot fathom where you got the audacity. 12/10
I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.
Mo’ money mo’ problems might be true, but I’d still like to find out for myself.
🤬فقط في مصر 🤬
I’ve been cutting the chocolate milk with regular milk so it will go further and my kids have never noticed. I would’ve been a really good drug dealer.
First time seeing these brilliant print ads for Scrabble today. Published in Ukraine in August 2014 by ad agency Twiga.
In case nobody has Facebook, it’s cold outside.
5 and 11 months: When I was a baby six years ago I was happy.
Me: You weren’t born yet then.
5: No, I mean when I was in your tummy. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want and it was dark and warm.
Me: *Sigh* And you didn’t fight with me on eating your dinner either.
Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.
I’m sorry your baby is crying right now. Have you tried taking it farther away from me?
Only 2 more days till the day after tomorrow
If you’re worried that technology will take over remember humans develop technology & we’re surprised how hot it is in the summer. Always.
Litter boxes are bullshit man. Those cats aren’t littering they’re shittin’ man.
me: 11 can you come here
11: am i in trouble?
me: …no…but…should you be?
11: no.
me: sus.
Not my fault the petting zoo never specified what I was supposed to pet
Everything reminds me of my ex
Dr: How may I help?
Me: Wife says I’m overweight
D: Yes, I see you’ve a very healthy appetite. OK, let’s talk gastric bands
[later]
Wife: How’d it go?
M: Good! He said I was very healthy, then just wanted to chat about music
i don’t really hate you but if you were falling off a cliff
i would be waving good bye
Amazon thinks my recent furnace filter purchase was merely the inaugural move in newfound hobby of furnace filter collecting.
I’m no scientist, but if that ebola virus is communicable, that means WE CAN TALK TO IT.
Me: But do I have to talk to him? Every day?? This seems excessive.
Marriage Counsellor: …
Me: how old is your daughter?
Person: she’s 31 months
Me: ok but like how old in minutes?