I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realise you had a meme to back you up.
You Might Also Like
Yes, of course I love French films.
Have you seen Rugrats in Paris?
Without Googling, can you close your laptop, drive to the beach, and throw your phone into the ocean?
What a year we’ve had this week.
Dated this guy who took me to his parents Christmas party. They put out a punch bowl and I threw my date’s and his dad’s car keys in it
Are “authorities” ever not ” baffled?”
[watching a sex scene with my parents] You guys ever try that?
It’s only natural to want to let your children learn from their own mistakes and work their way out of difficult situations, but after being under a stool for several minutes I picked my Roomba, Alice, up and relocated her because I couldn’t handle that banging another second.
Every single time I mow my lawn my neighbor starts mowing his within ten minutes. Do I have a rival dad? Is this war?
BISON DAD: good bye, son.
BISON SON: thank you, dad.
Mom is now sending me pictures of her lasagna and the recipe she apparently found in a sunken pirate ship.
My husband walked out the door, smiled & said, “Have a good day!” like he doesn’t even realize he’s leaving me home with his children.
There is no favoritism shown with our pets. The dog gets new toys and the cat gets the box they were shipped in.
I think everyone should get to vote which family member should get shot with a bow and arrow
Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…
Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
Just found out that “April fools” is not a valid defense in a court of law
Me: OMG WHAT THE HELL
Child: The news said it’s more sanitary to sneeze into an elbow.
Me: THEY MEAN YOUR OWN ELBOW
Me: What’d you do this weekend?
Her: I got a henna tattoo.
Me: (picturing a chicken with body art) Like for her birthday or something?
Stop cleaning your house for me so I can stop cleaning mine for you
ME: I wish I could fix this problem
SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEM: Hey there-
ME: [avoiding eye contact] If only there was a way…
I bought my 7 yo light pink bedsheets & she keeps referring to them as her “skin sheets” and telling me how creepy they are.
“I’m going to bed now but I want you to know these skin sheets are terrifying”
I’m a creative speller thus no typos, just art.
Overheard: “He’s a good guy. He’s a fine attorney. He’s got three goats.”
The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security.
Salesman: This model corners really well
Car: *backs me into an alley and takes my lunch money*
One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week
Why is it no matter how bad you rack yourself physically ppl invariably ask “Are you ok?”
Sure I am. Why I was just thinking this morning my hair would look so much better if it had matted blood in it.
My fashion sense has been described as “They probably won’t let you in like that” and “Are those your pajamas?”
Hey girl, heaven must be missing an angel….cause it looks like you ate one
Whenever I motorboat a stripper, I spend more time on the left boob cuz its closer to the heart. I’m a die hard romantic.
Why is called “emotional baggage” and not a “griefcase”?