The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old.
So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
You Might Also Like
Welcome to your 40’s…you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.
“We will wed,” I threatened
How do I tell my kid the tooth fairy needs $15 change for the $20 she left under his pillow?
Whenever I start to feel old, I just remind myself I’m still young enough to play a teenager on Beverly Hills 90210.
The kids I nanny asked why I wanted to see Incredibles 2 and I said because the first one came out when I was a kid
and they really asked ….
If it was in color
I’ll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.
What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesi-tato
😂
My wife bought me a nice jacket at a second hand store but it has the name Bubba embroidered on it, I guess I’m Bubba now.
I just overheard someone threaten that they were going to “put their foot down”. What kind of threat is that unless you’re Godzilla?
only a short 14,256 hours left on this tuesday
[hands mom flowers on Mother’s day]
thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks
The Alabama Supreme Court has blocked same-sex marriage on the legal grounds that it is 1953.
[painfully braiding my jellyfish] but not having you as a friend would hurt more
While in restaurants as a kid, my parents would pay by credit card in a machine that looked like it could take your finger off
At a doctor appointment:
“Step up on the scale”
Jokingly, “Do I have to?”
“No.”
“WHAT?!?!”HOW HAVE I GONE THIS LONG WITHOUT KNOWING THIS WAS AN OPTION?!
There is no wrong response when someone tells you they have named their pet after you.
2yo: Mommy, the baby is being ridiculous!
Me: He is? How?
2yo: *exasperated* Because he won’t talk to me!!
Me:
I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.
some cats are just doing for fun!
So, #Dorners ID was found in San Diego a week ago and then unmelted in the burned down cabin? sounds legit.
Zombies..stay away from junk people or you’ll gain a shit-ton of weight.
if ur ever losing an argument all u have to say is “yeah yeah yeah, save it for the judge” and walk away
If I was a ghost, pottery wouldn’t be the first thing I do.
“Down”
“Penetration”
“Tight End”
“Ball handling”
Don’t the networks have censors any more?
captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna
1st mate: dont you mean sonar
captain (already in towel): full steam ahead
Cartman: Respect my
a a
Learned a lot during my barefoot walk through the forest. Mainly that acorns are the earth’s legos
WAITER: how would you like your eggs
ME: nogged
Thanks to everyone who said nothing while I walked around with my zipper down all morning.
I’m gonna play on a Slip n’ Slide in my front yard tomorrow morning while the kids on my street wait for the school bus. #Hero