Parentz Bop
-Here We Come A Tattling
-Deck The Walls With Permanent Markers
-Jingle Bells My Teen Smells
-Hark The Kids Are Out Of Bed
-All I Want For Christmas Is You To Stop Fighting
-God Rest Ye Tired Parents
-It’s Beginning To Look A lot Like Christmas Is Cancelled
You Might Also Like
reading rob zombie’s name is a real wild ride. at first you’re like “rob? ok, i know what we’re dealing with here”. then things get weird
That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.
Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook?
DJ: no
Friend of mine confused IUD with IED and I couldn’t stop laughing
I love halloween time 🎃👻🐱:
– candy 🍬🍭🍫
– parties🍕🎉🍻
– costumes👯👺👽
– sacrifices to the dark lord 👉🐓👹
– scary movies🎬📽️💀😲
Me: You get your smarts from me.
My kid: Yep, I got your mustache too. Heyooo!
So, free to a good home if anyone wants a kid.
Don’t you hate when you’re an astronaut and someone opens the hatch to go into space and you’re like, “nooooo, all my air guitars!”
i’m not dating for marriage i’m dating to split streaming and nytimes subscriptions
I traced the call. It was phone-shaped.
Fans that catch foul balls at baseball games should count as outs. Imagine professional athletes swarming some random dude with mustard on his face to end the 9th inning
My Dad has accidentally bought 60 pairs of reading glasses off the internet after misreading the quantity of his order.
What’s it called when you’re a perfectionist but also extremely bad at everything?
Flowers for Valentine’s Day are cool…but what she really needs is windshield wiper fluid.
If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money I’d become a professional nap taker.
I’m not particularly good at playing hide-and-seek with children because I have no desire to find them.
Call me old fashioned, but I never cry in front of another man unless it’s to get out of a speeding ticket…
ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight?
HER: no not yet!! i’m totally free and available
ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do
I’m sorry I don’t speak any English
-me when someone starts talking to me
It would be easier if they just reported which parts of the globe aren’t on fire and don’t have hurricanes.
If I’m being honest, a Seven Nation Army probably could hold me back.
I like waiters.
They bring a lot to the table.
Amazon: your package will be delivered on Wednesday
me: WHEN IS THAT
The world is full of people who just need to hug a cactus.
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
ROFLMFAO!
JK! Lolz
Ttyl KK
Ur BFF,
Hannibal
~ Hannibal Lecter discovers text messages
The top Little Caesars pizza competitor is Big Brutus.
Please, please, please… invite me to your party. I promise I won’t show up.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
People who race to pull out in front of me and then go below the speed limit, explain yourselves.
When your child tells you at 8pm on a Wednesday night that they “forget about” the diorama project for school due tomorrow…
if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is “NO SPOILERS I HAVEN’T READ IT YET”