The fall of Netflix
You Might Also Like
I just wanna be alone but I have all this internet access.
Whenever my bitchy Ex used to whine about something, I reminded her that time heals all wounds…
Then I threw clock at her face.
Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness.
you either dated people in middle school or you’re funny now
I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN
I’m so out of touch with pop culture. My 5-year-old asked if DJ Marshmello was an actual marshmallow and I had to google it.
Alexa, take down my Christmas decorations.
Poor helium. I like to imagine there’s a shelium out there somewhere, waiting gaseously
she’s going to make a soup or a hearthy stew perhaps
*Runs across campus to get to class on time*
Whew! I made it!
*Sits in the back and browses Twitter for an hour and a half*
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Ways I’m like a tea kettle: 1) need water 2) start screaming when someone forgets abt me 3) could burn down a house but probably never will
omg we watched the muppet movie for the first time tonight and my 8yo says “oh, kermit! I like him because he’s from all those memes” as if kermit just appeared one day drinking tea saying but that’s none of my business
I don’t understand why my AirPods aren’t working right I’ve only sent them through the laundry twice.
We are taking care of my friend’s dog for the rest of the month.
She’s been with us about 45 minutes so far. My boyfriend has said “I love you” three times already.
It took at least six months of dating before we said that to each other.
If I were married, my wife would not be shoveling snow after working a long shift. Not with these gutters that need cleaning.
There are two types of people in the world, those who sweat when eating spicy food and those whose nose drips when eating spicy food.
recently discovered you can push text scammers to their breaking point simply by playing along with the scam
Am I the only one who whispers, “Get a job,” into the baby monitor?
After a failed college project to fight hunger, Clark decided to focus on fighting crime and thereby dropping a p from Supperman.
Superman could shit sauerkraut and they’d still love him. But when I do it, everyone’s like “gross katie”, and “now you’ve ruined the hot tub for all of us”.
We only use 10% of our brains because the other 90% is busy regretting saying “You too!” to a waiter after he said “Enjoy your meal.”
The airline I’m traveling in just made an announcement that said all mobile phones, laptops and PAGERS should be switched off. If I own a pager in 2022, I won’t need an airplane to travel. I’ll just use my time machine.
You know you’re watching Star Wars with Catholics when every time you hear “May the Force be with you,” you hear, “And also with you.”
*Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*
me: [whispers] “don’t tell my wife i made bacon in the toaster”
my wife: [getting out car] “what the hell happened?!”
all 6 firemen: “he made bacon in the toaster”
Chattanooga is my favorite town that sounds like an old-timey car horn
I did squats while eating my leftover pizza. I’m nailing this healthy lifestyle
everything in the world is about sex, except Uno. Uno is about power