A website for religious potato chip lovers…Christian Pringle.
You Might Also Like
I asked my husband to play bagpipes at my funeral so I can be happy that I’m dead.
This day in history. 2004. Ken announced that he had broken things off with Barbie but not to avoid another outrageously extravagant Valentine’s Day no not at all.
what idiot named them “in-flight movies” instead of “Jetflix”
My spirit animal just ran into a glass door.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a therapy cat.”
“It looks like a chihuahua.”
“That’s why the therapy.”
One time I was so sad I wrote an entire Radiohead album.
Just how much toothpaste is IN this tube? Let’s squeeze it all out and see!
– Toddlers
Ibuprofen is the new Chiclets for people over 40
How does the fire know to exit at those specific doors?
Friend: You’ll find love again.
Me: STOP THREATENING ME
Husband: “You should try going to bed earlier.”
Me: “You should take the 3yo to work with you.”
Him: “I’d get nothing done.”
Me: “EXACTLY.”
I always carry a yoga mat with me so I can take a nap right after eating at the Golden Corral.
Stop telling the people you don’t agree with to go to hell or we’re gonna be surrounded by people we don’t like.
I just found a spot so sticky on my kitchen floor that it actually pulled my sock off my foot….so yeah living with children is a delight.
Two raccoons reach into a moonlit bag of trash. A moment! Their paws meet. They lock eyes. They hiss and scratch the shit out of each other.
I use the incognito browser to search how to do the things I told my wife I know how to do
I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.
You can try to take off my granny panties, but they’ll just grow back stronger.
“My pleasure, doll”
“My pleasure doll”Commas can make a world of difference…
My wife has the flu and asked for help around the house so I bought her a Roomba
Women who say giving birth is painful, obviously never watched YouTube with a 7 year old.
COWORKER: turn that frown upside-down!
ME: *rotates head 180 degrees along vertical axis as eyes go black and lights flicker*
CW: uuhh…
(Watching the new James Bond Trailer)
Daughter 9: Wow. There is so much reckless driving happening here….
ANGEL: what are we gonna call the 11th month? I was thinking Vember.
GOD: no, no Vember. Vember is my ex.
ANGEL:
GOD: [taking bong rip] lmao, so this is gonna sound really petty but I just had an idea-
whole time I was thinking “how’s Popeye gonna top this shit” then this mf justs —
Most airlines will give you a complimentary bag of pretzels and a full can of soda, except for flights to Minneapolis. Those ones only serve mini sodas
Bewitched was my favorite show about a woman who had a magical power & couldn’t use it because she got married.
The general rule is that you shouldn’t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Nobody ever mentions one of the greatest joys of being a parent is mocking your kids in an annoying voice, repeating what they whined about