I don’t want a Ghostbusters sequel about the grandchildren of the Ghostbusters. I want a Ghostbusters prequel about Slimer when he was alive.
You Might Also Like
Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
If I’m “supposed to” shave my knees then why are they shaped like that ? Exactly
I’ve often wondered whether baby deer are left or right handed. Turns out they’re bambidextrous.
ballet teacher: “The girls tell me you’re going to a country that doesn’t allow children?”
Yes. I’m in my parenting powermove liar liar pants on fire era.
[ bad kitty ]
me: cut it out
cat: ?
me: stop it
cat: ?
me: knock it off
cat: now we’re talking
Parent’s curfew with each child:
1st child: “be home by 10!”
2nd child: “alright you can stay out until midnight”
3rd child: “as long as I see you within 3-5 business days I honestly don’t care what time you’re home”I’m not mad ur mad
Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.
Using soap as a garnish because the store was all out of cilantro.
Me: Grandma you are 92 and have heart disease you cannot let ppl in your house
Gma: Ok I can cancel the piano lessons
Me: What about the housekeeper
Gma: Already talked to her
Me: and the lady that comes to do your hair
Gma: Oh now you’re talking crazy
remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
this is the most humiliating day of my life
I just want to be as strong as the bond between two five gallon buckets
How many boats could Lisa Kudrow row if Lisa Kudrow could row boats?
World: What’s the date?
America: Well first and most importantly it’s June
My husband made it back from Charlotte and went directly from the airport to a “work meeting” at a casino resort. Any one else think this seems suspicious? 🤔
I bet Scooby wished he never got into that van of weirdos
if you want all your cereal boxes and chip bags to look like they were opened by a wild monkey, kids might be for you.
I was on the phone with my parents and I brought up how I’m parenting differently than they did, so they became defensive saying “Well, look how well you turned out” and I heard my wife laughing all the way from Target.
People say that Twitter is pointless but it’s teaching my children to be self sufficient.
Moonlit nights are the best when you light a fire in the pit, have a glass of wine and the neighbor didn’t hear you come outside.
I wonder if people who live on the sun are just as excited about the eclipse as those on earth..
Don’t ever call me sexist.
Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
It’s so foggy out right now that I feel like I should be telling someone about an ancient prophecy
Me: *buying leggings* I need these for my marathon!
Cashier: Wow really? That’s awesome!
Me: Yeah it’s 9 seasons long and 201 episodes in total
[i go to the aquarium wearing my cowboy boots and hat] “can we get extra security at the seahorse exhibit? yeah, he’s here again.”
Me: You got that talent from me!
13yo: Don’t take credit for my genuis!
My daily affirmation
Kid: Daddy can I give some of my candy to that duck?
Me: No, ducks only eat things they find in nature, like bread.
I’ve learned something today – “dibs” is not the appropriate response when your best friend announces their divorce.