Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN. Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN. Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN. Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN.
You Might Also Like
picture a potato but sexy
lol i just tricked u into thinking of me naked
The two places we often associate with the word ‘committed’ are in reference to insane asylums, and murder.
No surprise that a third place is with relationships.
If Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson returned to wrestling to fight Sammy ‘The Scissors’ Nelson would it appear on paper view?
A travel of a thousand miles starts with a solo government-charged full-body cavity search at the airport.
Got an email from my kid’s teacher that instead of working on her social studies project, she spent the entire class period making a PowerPoint about goats. Apparently, the appropriate response was not, “oh cool, was it any good?”
CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News.
The crows are royally pissed off about something this morning and I’m thinking about flying up there and joining.
News: Gas shortage
Me: Haha
News: Chic-fil-a sauce shortage
Me: NO
when i mistake a brief silence during an argument with my wife as my turn to speak
I get mortgage-related spam multiple times a day. It reaches me by text, phone, email, postage, and even social media. I’m absolutely sick of them not giving homing pigeons a chance.
INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in five years?
ME: Probably my communication skills.
I am woman. Watch me take one bite of cake then suddenly look pregnant with triplets ready to go into labor.
Welcome to innuendo club. This is going to be a long and hard session, if you know what I mean.
“If I eat my arm, I can’t technically gain any weight” – my thought process after only 5 days of dieting.
I’m doomed.
[end of 1st round of my UFC debut]
Corner man: how you feeling?
Me [out of breath]: horny
Corner man: yeah you gotta stop trying to kiss him
Never go to target in a red shirt. I was holding my kid and someone asked for help. Like yea just let me finish stocking the toddlers first.
I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they’re DEAD.
Plants are ALIVE, vegans.
You disgust me.
Shout out to that lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my speedo
Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow.
If you’re looking for a good place to buy a Blackberry, I’d suggest 2006.
me: my father fought in the war
her: which one?
me: I’ve only got one dad
Really glad that ventriloquism has made fisting mainstream.
If your name got called on The Price is Right, it’d be fun to scream, jump up and down, and then run full speed out of the studio
ME: [shouting upstairs] dinner’s ready!
6YR OLD: what are we having?
ME: you’ll like it! trust me!
6: I ain’t falling for that shit again
Look sad dragging a kite on the ground at the park and sometimes people will let you join their picnic.
My daughter’s main food groups are pancakes, watermelon, cheese, and her mother’s patience.
I had 13 items in the 12 items or less line, so I just put a banana in my pocket.
Someone rang my doorbell twice this morning, so I guess I’m having lunch behind the couch.
The pipes burst at my best friend’s house and I accidentally told someone his water broke