Had great idea for site for recent law grads called BarelyLegal .com. Turns out name was already taken. And their idea was much better.
You Might Also Like
“I have a particular set of spills,” Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt.
He looks for a napkin but the last one’s already been Taken.
I can count the number of times I’ve made my own fireworks on one hand. In fact, I have to.
English Language: ‘I before E, except after C’.
Keith: That’s not true.
English Language: Don’t make it weird.
Keith: But you just..
English Language: Wow ur feisty this morning, someone hasn’t had their caffeine lol
I was out with my bf and a waiter called me a ‘cradle robber’ cuz he’s 18 and I’m 43.
Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
I get it fish, my body is also beer battered
Johnny Depp could lose 250 hands of strip poker in a row and wouldn’t even have all his thumb rings off yet.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women on Instagram. Comment “You 3 look incredible!!”
A Black Mirror episode where you wake up and all TV & movie actors are Tom Hanks. In fact, everyone you know is now played by Tom Hanks. You go crazy and live out your life in an insane asylum. At your funeral, your rising soul looks down at your casket, where Tom Hanks lies dead
socratic questions
I am eggnogstic as in eggnog is my lord and savior
The rest of you just need to get fat because I don’t feel like going to the gym anymore…
I asked my hairdresser which kind of cut would make me look good.
A powercut wasn’t the answer I was hoping for…
Good morning, a spider’s favorite music app is Spotafly and your day can only get better from this joke forward Happy Thursday
Mommy what’s an “Act of God?”
Me: *Flashback to my CrossFit trainer* Well dear, an “active god” is in his mid-20s and has a smokin hot body
me: sord
English: sword
me: why
English: because i like it lol
me: that’s not a good anser
English: oh boy ur not gonna be happy about this
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I just wanna to use my finger & write `”WASH ME”` on her face.
The only thing I care about is credits where it says the dog is playing themself
Didn’t find out until I got to work that these exposed-shoulder tops are intended for women.
SOCIALIZING IS EASY FOR ME BECAUSE I AM NEVER TEMPTED TO FEAST ON MY HUMAN FRIENDS
I just put on jeans right out of the dryer and my Fitbit exploded.
My 3yo nephew asked if he could marry me. I told him no because I already have a boyfriend. He thought for a bit and said, “But I have a scooter.” ❤️
I’ve dated a vegetarian, trust me, they put meat in their mouth.
Whoever came up with *gobsmacked* should name all of our emotional responses.
Laying a trap for my boyfriend by asking him if he thinks I look too skinny
If I had all the money, I would pay people to sneak up behind you and blast a bullhorn right before you hit send on a political tweet.
Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house.
*zoom to fish tank*
Fish 1: *nods*
Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny.
*bubbles*
Me: Table for one, please.
Waiter: Would you like to see the men–
Me: YES.
I used to make picture meals for my daughter until she got bored and asked me to stop.
Evolution saved Big Bird from fitting in a mine.