Godzilla’s attack on Tokyo was revenge for the hours he wasted watching Dragonball GT disgrace the legacy of Dragonball Z.
You Might Also Like
Here’s a little song I wrote about the birds in the bush outside my bedroom window it’s called “I’m Wide Awake and Angry at 4 AM” and a one and a two
Cereal is a satisfying way to start the day if you’re having another breakfast within 45 minutes.
the only difference between a hoarder and a collector is the smell
I use italics as a form of revenge. Being a writer has ruined my posture, so I’m going to do the same to these words.
Copied tweets with higher no. of RTs remind me of tht incident when Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest n came 3rd.
Dragon fire can’t melt stone pillars. King’s Landing was an inside job.
It’s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
Got fired from my job as a museum guide for telling everyone the statues are all Medusa’s ex-boyfriends.
Only way I’d want to see a jam band is if they were accompanied by a peanut butter orchestra.
Imagine me naked.
Wrong. Fatter.
They should just call the news “guess who was an idiot today.”
Me: Can’t you just hot-wire it?
Apple technician: No ma’am, your phone actually needs the passcode.
Leaning over with an open bag of skittles in your shirt pocket: a tragedy in one act
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Please do not return empty candy wrappers to the dish. It leads to false expectations and uncontrollable rage.
I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.
My cat and I are both on diets, it’s hilarious. Just sitting across from each other, angrily eating our horrible breakfasts.
THEM: eat shit and die
ME: well, if nobody else wants any
My husband bought an alien green suv so he wouldn’t have to remember when he parked.
I love a relaxing bath at the end of the work day but it makes the other people in the office uncomfortable.
Grampa always said, “when you leave the house make sure you’re wearing clean underwear…. otherwise the raccoons will attack your anus”.
Grampa lived a weird life.
Person 1: You should do Yoga.
Person 2: Why would I ever do that little green guy from Star Wars? He’s not sexy at all.
Person 3: She means the picnic basket stealing bear, idiot.
There are two types of people in this world:
1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once
2)Liars
Me: Alexa, when will computers become self-aware?
Alexa: When will YOU become self-aware?
M: *gazing out a window, crying* good one, Alexa
I don’t like who I become when an online form expires in the middle of me filling it out.
one time i went to a guy’s house and he made me watch The Crow on DVD and then when it ended he restarted it from the beginning and i had to pretend my flatmate had been arrested so i could leave
Shouts out to the Trump Tower suction cup guy for being the second craziest person to ascend that building.
If I lived in Alabama, I’d name my daughter, ‘Banjo-lina”.
MY GRANDMA: The doctor says I’m standard.
ME: That’s not what STD is short for Grandma.
Sorry for loudly singing “Whoomp there it is!” when you took your pants off. It’s been a while.