I’m no body language specialist but I would interpret Gary Busey’s smile as saying, “I may or may not have eaten your parakeet.”
You Might Also Like
Anyone: I’m cold
Me: Get a sweatshirt or something I’m not your motherDog: *shivers once*
Me: I WILL USE MY BODY HEAT TO KEEP YOU ALIVE
When I was little, I did not care about things like what to wear. My parents dressed me.
Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious my parents didn’t care either.
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.
SCROOGE: Oh great spirit…why are we at the Olive Garden?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
The gross is always greener on the outside
I say as I look at the 4yo who just sneezed
Dating tip: Photoshop yourself into some of her selfies. Women love guys who are good with computers.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you’ve got alzheimers.
As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I’d lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry.
10 puts the paper toilet roll on in the “under” position.
long story short he’s by the road with a for sale sign on.
SPONSORED POST: Tide Pods. Remember when we seemed like a big problem?
The letter R is just the letter P showing off some leg.
Hold on, you guys. Turns out the person with bad opinions is extremely attractive. I’m on their side now.
interviewer: what do you mean you don’t have any
me [excitedly]: ask about weaknesses
4 thinks the lead singer of Queen was Freddie Macaroni and he won’t be taking any further questions on this
I feel like I’m getting dumber. Like, my memory sucks, and I feel like I’m using half my brain. So I googled it, and it sounds like “brain fog.” There are simple steps to help relieve it. Diet, exercise, plenty of sleep. So what I’m saying is, I’m probably gonna get dumber.
ME: do you like it better when I part it down the middle or when I tease it out with styling mousse
HER: how about we just shave your back instead
It’s like my nana once said….
You know you can block people on Twitter who confuse crochet with knitting, right?
My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.
I was chuckling at all the old men in the parking lot, waiting for the store to open. Then I realized, WAIT, I AM AN OLD MAN SITTING IN THE PARKING LOT WAITING FOR THE STORE TO OPEN
[1st date]
HER: I love autumn, it’s my favorite season
ME: [trying to impress] Yes, I love the way the leaves just… autumn off the trees
If I tell you I’m running 10 minutes behind, that means 10 minutes later than normal. So, 20 minutes-ish.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before.
Big fight at Bible group. Jeff said Jesus was a liberal and Cheryl said Jeff gave her chlamydia
Swiss Army knives should come with a first aid attachment.
“I’m tired of getting out of my car to take a shit.” – guy about to invent the R.V.
Canadians say “sorry” so much that a law was passed in 2009 declaring that an apology can’t be used as evidence of admission to guilt
We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we’re in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER
[Dog office]
Dog 1: excuse me this is my desk – I pissed on it so..
Dog 2: I just pissed higher on it
D1: son of a
D2: SON OF A WHAT, DAVID?