What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
HDMI
You Might Also Like
“Why tattoos? You wouldn’t put stickers on a nice car.” Ma’am I am at best a 2003 Corolla.
Me: *on safari naked*
Elephant: *staring* how do you eat with that thing?
Listen, if you are going to someone’s house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending today cleaning.
picture a potato but sexy
lol i just tricked u into thinking of me naked
Instead of using the same password everywhere, I use multiple variations of the same password where I replace one letter with a special character or number, add extra letters and so on
This is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being logged into by ME……😂😂
happy valentine’s day to me
Job interviewer: Where would you like to be in five years?
Me: On paid administrative leave.
I’m sorry I got you birth control for Christmas and said it was my gift to the world.
wow
I curse you with throw pillows that explode into more throw pillows every time you throw them.
[alarm clock goes off]
ok it’s happening again
it’s a day and it’s here again
*googling*
day again why
how to unsubscribe days
Day 20. Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy Leg Man.
you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find one that’s a good kisser
When an unattractive woman in a bar asks me my sign I tell her “Stop.”
[During lull in conversation at party]
ME: Do you think you’re closer to your own birth or your own death? Let’s go around the room.
Me: Hello, my name is Vikki and I’m an alcoholic.
Operator: Ma’am, this is AAA.
Me: I know. I’m an alcoholic and now my car is in a ditch.
Sometimes I sit on my hand till it’s numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
ME:
COP:
ME: Is…isn’t that your job?
Me: We start with 20 primary teeth and end up with 32 permanent teeth.
Squirrel: ours never stop growing
Walrus: and growing
Rat: and growing
Elephant: and growing
Groundhog: and growing
Yogi’s cousin Yoga Bear teaches classes at the maul & carried off a camper named Matt.
Remember when you bury a body in your backyard be sure to cover it with endangered plant or tree so they can’t dig it up. Follow me for more helpful tips 👍🏻
I only had a few friends before I got on Twitter.
Now I don’t have any.
Where did you come from
Where did you go
Where did you come from
Pokémon Go
My neighbor’s dog is so popular that every time he barks, the neighborhood dogs RT him.
Better than a Justin Bieber concert:
1. Being deaf.
2. A rattlesnake bite.
3. Chewing razor blades.
4. Licking a public toilet seat.
My dilemma with religion is that my idea of Heaven consists of everything they’d send me to Hell for.
People who jump right out of bed at 5 AM and turn on every light in the house, who hurt you?
Well tonight’s date night for me and the wife
I certainly hope we don’t run into each other
becoming “fast friends” with someone is fun, but let’s not forget fast enemies. you ever meet someone and immediately you’re just like oh yeah this person is my enemy now
The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.