I don’t usually post things like this on here but,
My Mom is in the ICU with the Coronavirus and she’s not doing well.
I’m devestated. She is one of the most important people in my life.
So if any of you could spare some prayers or good thoughts, It would mean the world to me.
You Might Also Like
I’m 6’ and I’m built like someone who overestimates by four inches
Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.
When the sonographer says your ovaries look like the dark side of the moon, that’s good, right?
My wish is for all women to love and accept their bodies but also for my body to be objectively the best even tho I’ll be v humble about it
“You will be visited by three spirits. The first two will be a waste of your time but the third one, holy shit…”
IT email: please complete this cybersecurity training
me: *report as phishing*
*orders sushi for delivery*
*throws towel over aquarium*
You know what’s better than therapy? Nothing. Go to therapy.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone if you want babies throwing rocks everywhere. Dangerous.
i hate the assumption that people who get up early are doing it to be productive. i’m up at 6:30 am to watch movies
Why call it a fake stone you use to hide your spare house key outside rather than a sham rock?
What is worse than your GF sending you a text to ” Break Up ” ?
Another text saying ” Sorry, that wasn’t for you ! ”
😂😂😂
Walmart: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Me: Well, I couldn’t find-
W: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don’t actually care.
god I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce
Just when I thought we’d avoided all controversial topics at Thanksgiving dinner my niece said Aristocats was better than The Lion King
I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name
The moon is in my awful neighbor’s backyard. Girl, he’s the worst. What are you doing?
“What the hell happened to you?”
I got tarred by an angry mob.
“What about the feathers?”
I hugged some ducks to feel better after.
If you say safety in Numbers you haven’t read Numbers.
I always feel bad for seedless watermelon because what if they wanted to have babies.
Netflix: are you still watching?
Me: yes
Netflix: lmao it’s cancelled
I’ll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that’s me.
me: [leaning over, whispering] there’s a giant hole in this plot
him: that’s where the casket goes
I put a Justin Bieber’s song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don’t have to listen to that shit.
Hey remember that snarky insult you threw my way three weeks ago? Well now I have comeback so please repeat it.
What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
Gloves!
Just kidding, I don’t know what he got. He hasn’t opened it yet.
People who reply “LOL” but don’t retweet are like if a doctor shook a bottle of pills in your direction to treat your disease.
Me: I know something we can do tonight 😉
My husband: You superglued your eye shut again and I need to drive you to the ER
Me: yeah ;(
Sometimes I think I’d do great during a zombie apocalypse. Then I remember that week I went without a microwave and how much I cried.
It takes 72 hours to make a rare steak in an Easy Bake oven so my dinner party might be delayed a bit.