This family attached a microphone to their 4 year old and the result was adorable ❤️
You Might Also Like
Avoid talking politics at Thanksgiving this year by getting a sweet neck tattoo the day before
Would you rather have a normal childhood or a sense of humor?
Ok, so maybe the best time to break the news about how many years of school there are was NOT after a rough day at kindergarten.
Neanderthal: *flirting* you know what they say, once you go Neanderthal you never go back at all
Scientist: why do they say that?
Neanderthal: because I smashed your time machine
WIFE: Please take the trash out
ME: Ok
*later that night*
ME: I’m having a nice time
TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF
Reading about how much Daniel Craig hates Bond is like The Pope Visiting Kim Davis all over again.
Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms?
Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks*
*Spends night making balloon animals
The only thing I miss about going to the movies is smuggling in an entire 4 course meal
college is weird bc you have to approach some profs like “dr. [redacted] i am begging on my knees for you to excuse my absence on this date like the pitiful worm i am” and others you can just email like “mary this piece of shit skunk won’t get off my porch. i’m staying home”
me hitting on a model
I just did my budget for June. If I don’t buy food … I won’t need toilet paper.
I think I’m on to something here.
Mom I get nervous on dates & always sweat.
“Wear something that doesn’t show stains”
[5 hours later] How was your date?
She hated my poncho.
DATING TIP: PULL THE CHAIR OUT FOR HER. PICK THE CHAIR UP & FOLD IT. HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR. GET THE 3 COUNT. NEW WWE CHAMPION
*posts Social Security number on social media*
*hopes someone steals his identity and pays off his mortgage*
What idiot named it “proposing marriage” and not “engaging the enemy”?
My toxic trait is that I answer “spam likely” calls, because maybe I can fix them.
Me: New outfit?
Wife: This old thing? I’ve had it for…
Me: The bank sent me an alert on my phone.
Wife: …minutes.
Ted Mosby, in the year 2030, told the story of how he met his children’s mother and HE NEVER MENTIONED THE CORONAVIRUS ONCE
The Flintstones will forever live on in our hearts and vitamins
a human soul weights about 1.5 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work today
“I’m not a big horse person”
– a lying centaur
I know there’s a lot going on right now in America but my husband just used one of the good towels!
Knuckle tats:
(I)(M)(H)(U)(N)(G)(R)(Y)
“GRAAAAAAIIIINNNNS” — Vegetarian Zombie
My cat’s name is Isis, so you can imagine my horror when I turned on the news and saw “Isis believed to be allied with Al-Qaeda”
Rubbing garlic behind my ears before this corporate fundraiser
Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.
Good day meowlady
* tips cat
Coffee is cheaper than bail
Starbucks – You sure about that?