Two boys in Madagascar scratch the back of a habituated lemur
(Via National Geographic)
You Might Also Like
My inner monologue 90% of the time: “I don’t get it.”
i ordered the mcdonald’s land air and sea burger and my stomach quit in the middle of its shift
amazon: your package is in your mailbox 🙂
me: it is not
amazon: we delivered to your mailbox already 🙂
me: i ordered a microwave it is not in my mailbox
amazon: maybe you’re looking in the wrong one?
me: that isn’t possible
amazon: put your f*****g glasses on dipshit :))
Me: intuitive eating is easy. It’s all about listening to your body
My body: I’m begging you…eat a vegetable….please
Me: what’s that? More cheese?
It’s when I saw the children playing with their toys completely wrong that I knew I had to step in
Feels wrong for women to be playing soccer while I’m just sitting here watching. I should be helping them
People that say “we’re not even white, we’re pink” obviously haven’t seen the parts of me that have never been in sunlight.
Guys invented poker as an excuse to stare into each other’s eyes.
her: wanna go upstairs
me: yes
her: do u have protection
me: [nervously] why what’s up there
This no more tears shampoo sucks. I’ve been feeding it to my friends kid and he’s still crying.
Must be doing something wrong.
My 3yo found an Easter egg during the egg hunt that was obviously from last year, it was full of stale jellybeans covered with ants, opened it and yelled, excitedly “WOW I GOT AN ANT ONE!!!!!”
its been 20 yrs since Celine Dion released “I’m In Love With A Boat”, from the movie “Big Stupid Boat”
I love the Yakuza games. I wish Japan was real.
Tomorrow I’m going to start using big words to sound smart….Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
This florist doesn’t even know anything about floors, and he’s acting like I’m the stupid one!
Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
Old people may not know how to use a cell phone, but they sure can drive like they’re on one.
What am I doing with the rest of my life?
I don’t even know what I’m doing with the rest of this tweet…
AM I BEING GASLIT????
What did people do with pineapple before pizza was invented?
I stopped my pig from eating a penny.
I don’t know why.
I was so close to having a real live piggy bank.
7: My teacher gave me a Christmas card but it’s cursed
Me: That… seems strange
7: That’s how they used to write in the olden days
I like how Band-Aids come in 2 varieties: Stays on For a Second Before Falling Off or Needs WD-40 For Removal From Skin.
*God creating Eminem*
This one will really hate his mom, but also be really obsessed with her spaghetti.
Tastes victory
Victory: Eww! Stop licking me!!
To the organizations that send me news alerts: However interested you think I am in the private life of Taylor Swift, I promise you it’s less than that.
[punches shark on the nose[
shark: that wont stop me
me: are u crying
shark: no its always wet & salty on my face
Mom, look at my diarrhea.
— My 5yo holding up the diary I bought him at his school’s Scholastic book fair
Kids today will never know the pressure of sending an email to ten other people OR THEY WILL DIE.
It’s all fun & games till somebody has to explain to the optometrist what a golden shower is & why your eye is highly irritated.