@realHamOnWry

A bird in the hand is never as fun as a hand in the bush.

A bird in the hand is never as fun as a hand in the bush.

- @realHamOnWry

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@carlyken

If you can’t handle my interpretive dance to November Rain than you don’t deserve me doing splits on the hood of your car to Whitesnake.

@novicefather

No Carl, I said “lick her” not wicker. Put the patio furniture away.

@9to5Life

Sometimes I think we’re all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers.

@truegritrumble

ME: I hate when I look in the mirror and I don’t like the person looking back.

THERAPIST: That’s a window. You’re staring at our gardner, Gary.

@UnfilteredMama

My kids never finish their dinner because they’re saving room for bath water.

@LlamaInaTux

If dogs named famous people, we would have:
-Bark Wahlberg
-Bark Zuckerberg
-Bark Hammill
-Bark Obama
-Charles Barkley would still be Charles Barkley