A bodybuilding and pastry shop business called John Cena-bon
Looking for investors
You Might Also Like
This day in history. 1844. Morse sent the first telegraph message WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT? to Alfred Vail who replied I AM NOT WEARING PANTS.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
☠️
April 1st is the class clown of days.
Call me faithless, but I just can’t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!
8-year-old: It’s so weird to see a teacher at the store.
Me: Teachers have lives outside of school.
8: Since when?
When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment, Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.
I CALL BULLSHIT
Let’s hear some tropes in TV/movies that are complete bullshit. I’ll start:
Dude making dinner produces a gourmet-looking dish, has a neatly folded hand towel thrown over his shoulder, and is wearing an *immaculate* white dress shirt. BULLSHIT!
I almost slept through the whole thing
*best day ever*
I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.
The doctor asked if I was sexual active.
I shook my head and said “Not in front of the wife”.
Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
Q: What did the one giraffe say to the other giraffe?
A: “Holy shit I can talk.”
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”.
Problem solved.
Sometimes I look at my children and think “What did I do to deserve this?”
And other times I think “What did I do to deserve this?”
A spider crawling along the wall suddenly fell off and kept crawling on the floor like it wasn’t a big deal, so I said out loud, “I saw that.”
the craziest thing about today’s story where a bear attacked a 12 year old girl jogging in her neighborhood is WHY IS A 12 YEAR OLD JOGGING
Roses are red
Pizza sauce is too
I ordered a large
And none of its for you
ME: I hate when I look in the mirror and I don’t like the person looking back.
THERAPIST: That’s a window. You’re staring at our gardner, Gary.
as a british man you have to pick an obsessive hobby before age 31 or WW2 history is selected for you by default
It takes two months to get fat and two years to get in shape.
Science is a lie.
An AI comedian? The jokes write themselves.
doctor: I’ve written you a prescription here. Follow that and let’s check in next week. It should help with your symptoms but if it doesn’t we’ll know more.
chiropractor sprinting to double kick you in the neck: say goodbye to IBS
exclusively asking for swords for Christmas and if I get even one everyone who didn’t get me one better watch out
english teacher: *yelling* I am APPALLED
me:
me: ok
me: what is a pald
How did the first person to read learn how to read?
you know when you’re rocking the no makeup look and you assume you’re lookin all beachy natural n cute but then u look in the mirror and u look like a victorian child sick with influenza who won’t make it through the winter
Hitler ruined the Charlie Chaplin mustache for everyone.