A boycott is just a smaller version of a manbed.

A boycott is just a smaller version of a manbed.

- @sfreeze6

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Why does it jump from 2% milk all the way to whole milk?

Maybe I just want 47% milk…


Breaking Bad last ep.
Walt takes off the mask to reveal he was Dwayne Johnson

The world finally knows what the Rock was cookin


Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife.


If my boyfriend really cared about me, he’d stop being imaginary…


My therapist says I should delete my account and meet real people, but she’s still on Facebook so what does she know.


If I am ever killed by a koala bear, I hope whoever finds me just tells people I was killed by a bear


I DO love to rush breathlessly into Starbucks and scream “Is anyone in here writing a screen play? We need one! This is an emergency!”


My sense of humor is so dark that my grandmother would have been very unhappy if my sister went on a date with it.


I’ve never been donkey-kicked in the face before, but I have walked past my teenage son who just applied “one spray” of cologne, so same.