@darksidedeb: A comb is the ultimate parting gift.
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@DadBits: Toy stores should spread the toys out on the floor so you can see them in their natural state and practice stepping on them.
@blade_funner: [GOING BACK IN TIME] Me: Oh my god, I'm in the middle of the First World War! Everybody: The what now?
@Book_Krazy: *Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED