@daemonic3

A concept so foreign, Angelina Jolie tries to adopt it.

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@Rainmaker1973

This video (reduced to a 17 second gif) created by British psychological professor Richard Wiseman demonstrates the power of perspective in creating illusions. It’s titled, “Assumptions”

@VodkaTiem

I don’t know who put chairs in the elevator, but that’s a kind of laziness that I can respect.

@ClamDive

When I die donate my body to science

Science: No thanks we’re good

@erikbransteen

Kanye West tweeted that Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean?’ was 2015’s best song.

The “…which wouldn’t happened without me” tweet coming soon.

@KeetPotato

[my 1st day as spelling bee host]
your word is policy
“can you use it in a sentence”
um i think hes an undercover cop, he looks a bit policy

@JohnLyonTweets

Her: You have selective hearing. You never hear criticism and only hear things that make you look good.

Me: Thanks, you look good too.

@RunOldMan

Working out in the rose garden today and came face to face with a territorial bee, I took a couple of swats at it and pissed it off, now she’s daring me to open the screen door.

@HomeWithPeanut

Before kids:
[Watching nature documentary]

How do some animals just abandon their young like that??

After kids:
[Watching nature documentary]

[Takes notes]