A Couple of underscores is to a couple of underscores? Ok. RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.

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“Order now and receive 50% off The Clapper. CLAP ON.. CLAP OFF.. THE CLAPPER”

Tyrannosaurus rex: *Sighs… *Changes channel


*Writes a song for you*

*Sings it under your bedroom window*

*You call the cops*

*Your husband falls in love with me*


Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.


“It’s all smoke and mirrors” he said, describing his various drug habits.



– parents who let their kids have ice cream cones in the car


Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes


This frozen meal expects me to know what wattage my microwave is like I’m some kind of wizard.


“We’re still looking for a side project”

Tornado: *raises hand* we could flip houses

“We’ve been over this, it’s not what you think it is”


I started an organization for the ethical treatment of plants.

Because we shouldn’t eat the things that make oxygen.

Your move Vegans