I’ve just found a mole on my shoulder.
I don’t know how he got out of the garden but he’s cute.
*a dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center*
Put it all on Grey
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Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life….
Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that.
If loss of appetite is a symptom, I think most of us are safe.
“..so that’s the story of Christmas. Questions?”
Where do turtledoves come from?
“Well, when a turtle and a dove really love each other..”
[throws dirty diaper away]
– OMG WHAT R U DOING?!
– it’s gross im not touching that
– GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TRASH & CHANGE IT!
– ugh, fine
Not trying to brag but my son’s teacher wants his artwork to be looked at by a psychologist
I think the only job requirement you need to become a TSA agent, is to know how to do a really good eye roll while you’re chewing gum.
I have a devil tattooed on each shoulder cause I hate arguments.