There’s a good time and a bad time to share feedback with your wife about things that have been weighing on you, like your inner most desires, hopes or just tightening lids better.
There’s also a horrible time.
Wife: *on hands and knees cleaning up a half a gallon of ranch*
a fun activity is leaving one-star amazon reviews for handsaws where you really lean into their ineffectiveness at sawing circles around various pies you’ve tried stealing from underneath picnic tables
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“You were out too late with your hoodlum friends!,” I yell at my husband, and suddenly I’m in a rocking chair, shaking a cane, wondering if they’ll ever find a cure for my polio.
What if im actually attractive and hot girls just think im out of their league?
[i read a pun]
me: ugh, no
[i make a pun]
me: BEHOLD THE ARTISTRY
If I could be any super hero I’d be The Flash, but instead of wearing his costume I’d wear a trench coat. Same name, different purpose.
Guns don’t kill people. Cats don’t sew mittens. Houses don’t crap zebras. Lots of nouns don’t verb other nouns. This isn’t new information.
If the shoe fits… congratulations.
You’ve correctly measured your feet.
A man accidentally made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind.
And now, we wait…
<— only has 13 problems left.
Turns out, getting divorced cured 86 of em!
I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.