WHY IS A GROUP OF SQUIDS NOT A SQUAD
A ghost appears in the room. It wants to tell me something, but won’t speak. It throws up it’s hands, as if trapped in another world.
Yeah, great. Just my luck I get haunted by a phantomime.
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If you are wondering how many ketchup packets you can put in a Holiday Inn hot tub before people stop going in, the answer is 9.
Of course I can cook, what kind of cereal would you like
CW: can i ask a stupid question
ME: sure u seem qualified
[seeing a skyscraper with all the lights on]
oh man the dad of that building is gonna be mad
‘What’s in the box? What’s in the box? WHATS IN THE BOX!?’ I shout. ‘Ha ha, just kidding my name is Drew and I’m your new gynaecologist’
Look lady, I’m sure your Onlyfans is nice but let’s wait until this funeral is over to talk about it.
My gf asked if I liked her more than I like chicken, and all I could say was “well I have known chicken longer…”
Summer vacation would probably be a little more relaxing if these kids were vacationing somewhere else.
[i wake up confused]
KIDNAPPER: youll never guess where we are!
ME: [observing floor tile pattern] this is a Dennys bathroom