a good rule of thumb is to try to live your life in such a way that when you die, your funeral’s not drowned out by the world cheering
You Might Also Like
You didn’t comment on my selfie.
WHO IS SHE
Hitler ruined the Charlie Chaplin mustache for everyone.
TV Ad: Do you wanna watch a show that smartly satirizes the complete corporatization of American institutions and skewers the bureaucracy of large companies? Watch “The Boys!”
Me: Heck yeah
TV Ad: Streaming now on Amazon Prime™️
Me: Wait a second
Lady: what are you this this year?
Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I’m at 10% and it’s only 7pm.
Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we’re never going to meet real people ever again.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I like cake.
SUPERMAN: *putting on a bird costume with airplane wings* Now to really screw with them
Never tip a cow more than 15%.
Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs?
*tries to smoke a carrot*
Yea I guess I’m feelin it