Her: I work in a science lab.
Me: (trying to impress) I donated my brain for research.
A good way to make friends with someone is to break into their house at night and clean it
You Might Also Like
[Jesus plays hide-n-seek]
Jesus: [exiting cave] Ah, ya found me! Let’s play again. Harder this time. Find me now.
[He ascends to Heaven]
Zoom / MS Teams calls are the best places to see miracles happening.
Someone gets disconnected and everyone pronounces, ‘I think we lost her.’
Then they rejoin and say, ‘Hey, I’m back.’
When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money.
Can you believe how superficial I was?!?
Now I would date him for the prescriptions.
(God Creating Vegetables)
GOD: What if we made fruit gross?
A leaf blower, but for people.
Yes, 911, that guy just fed my house letters again.
All my life, I never thought I’d wake up at 6am to go jogging…and I was right.
The lady at the massage parlor asked if I wanted a happy ending, I said yes and then she proceeded to tell me the plot of Homeward Bound.