A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he’s allright.

Guess he was lucky

*puts on sunglasses*

It was a soft drink


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I’m always fascinated when people in movies run from a madman and then hide and hold their breath. Sometimes I snort for air and get a little sweaty while reaching for a puzzle piece that’s juuuuust out of reach across the table.


“Why do bad things happen to good people?” To even out the good things that happen to bad people.


I would have suggested they just use a regular volleyball, but I guess the Olympics are special.


Lisa on FB has cramps but is still going to yoga.

I’ll keep you all posted.


Arugala is my favorite vegetable that sounds like it’s drowning.


[First date]
Him: What’s your favorite dish?
Me: The one that holds the most food.


[45 minutes after seeing someone fall down the stairs]

You OK?


AGENT: You’ll play a character who weighs exactly what you weigh now.

CHRISTIAN BALE: Not interested.


Praying that Donald Trump is really just Ashton Kutcher performing his most elaborate prank yet.