[Snow White meets Seven Dwarfs]
SNOW WHITE: Why is your name Bashful?
BASHFUL: [recalling when he bashed in the 8th dwarf’s skull] No reason
A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
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Can anyone recommend a good book to tell people I’m reading?
[Swims out to Sea]
*dolphins save me*
*dolphins ask for a tip
*they return me to the shark*
My daughter thought putting glue on her hands would help her walk up the walls, we’re both a little disappointed that it didn’t work.
JIM MORRISON: people are strange, when you’re a stranger
JIM MORRISON: people are docks, when you’re a doctor
JIM MORRISON: *wiggling fingers* people are ticks, when you’re a tickler
PRODUCER (lips on mic): uh, I think we’re good Jim
6: What’s the Roman numeral for 4?
What’s the Roman numeral for 6?
Me: I don’t know. They named the movie Rocky Balboa.
I’m as nervous as a United Airlines standby passenger.
My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I’m having an affair.
[commercial for evaporated milk]
IS YOUR MILK TOO WET?