@Kica333

A large group of other people’s children is called a “Nope”.

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@Cptnrwrpnts

Did you hear that Tampax is replacing the string on tampons with a piece of tinsel? Just for the Christmas period.

@JohnASinclair

I’m gonna have a secret lair that consists of toilets and sinks. It’ll be called “John Sinclair’s john and sink lair”

@NotThatKristi

My jeans say “no more Christmas goodies” but my leggings are like “we got you, gurrrl”

@rachelle_mandik

do you think the guy who designed hand grenades really hated pineapples, or really loved them?

@AuthorAlisa

My parents are 75 and 84. My son & I do frequent drive-by visits to make sure they have what they need. Today, I guess they needed to party.

@RdrJay47

I’m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.

@ImLeslieChow

Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, “surprise adoption”.

@CatalystNB

14 year olds be talkin bout “im a dom,” son the only thing u should be dominating is that geometry test tomorrow get studying

@thholyghost

me at a restaurant

waiter: here’s ur cup 🙂
me: oh thank you
waiter: *puts down cup*
me: thank you
waiter: *fills cup up with water*
me: thank you
waiter: i’ll be back soon with your food
me: thank you