Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you.
A lazy eye is just like a regular eye except it won’t take out the garbage, leaves up its Christmas lights all year and will text someone in the same room.
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When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
she has a point
If you’re havin AutoCorrect problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 parabolas bit s butch Saint omg.
“No sex tonight, I just put on clean sheets.”
I can’t find that mandolin show anywhere in the TV guide.
9 out of 10 dentists agree that Gary is the most handsome dentist. Gary voted for Brett because he couldn’t vote for himself
You know the person in exercise videos that’s doing the easy version of everything? I’m the guy behind that person eating chips.
Go ahead and assume it’s a banana;
I’m rarely that happy to see anyone.
The Seven Deadly Sins:
6. Calling Lego ‘Legos’